So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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