he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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