The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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