His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
