Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
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