took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
