I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
