there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
