guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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