Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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