so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
His hands were made for my vagina.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
