i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
