I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
