all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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