Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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