His hands were made for my vagina.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
