Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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