marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
