i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
