drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm just crazy horny about you
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
