sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
