Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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