Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
