Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
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