my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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