It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
