i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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