I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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