Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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