you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
