Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
