That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
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You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
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so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?