Texts From Last Night

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  (512): View more from Texas

  were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.

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  (512): were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself. http://tfl.nu/ien5
  Replies (2) Good night (1970) Bad night (1085)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  Jesus knows you're telling a lie.

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup

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  (806): Jesus knows you're telling a lie. (832): Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup http://tfl.nu/yiz0
  Replies (6) Good night (4770) Bad night (714)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.

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  (314): the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick. http://tfl.nu/zpzn
  Replies (18) Good night (1186) Bad night (6271)
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  (830): View more from Texas

  Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas

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  (830): Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas http://tfl.nu/3mgi
  Replies (9) Good night (940) Bad night (2873)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..

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  (503): I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus.. http://tfl.nu/6jqk
  Replies (12) Good night (1112) Bad night (3657)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.

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  (215): I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked. http://tfl.nu/a12i
  Replies (9) Good night (4813) Bad night (877)
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  (661): View more from California

  God gave him joint rollers for hands

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  (661): God gave him joint rollers for hands http://tfl.nu/1evx
  Replies (10) Good night (3105) Bad night (979)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?

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  (734): How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together? http://tfl.nu/es97
  Replies (64) Good night (1471) Bad night (4618)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were

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  (727): they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were http://tfl.nu/gg4c
  Replies (5) Good night (2479) Bad night (756)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.

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  (425): He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that. http://tfl.nu/0n60
  Replies (9) Good night (2868) Bad night (782)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN

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  (301): Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN http://tfl.nu/2m0y
  Replies (17) Good night (1985) Bad night (711)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.

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  (303): YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW. http://tfl.nu/0vlm
  Replies (2) Good night (1012) Bad night (404)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.

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  (586): I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins. http://tfl.nu/rkqp
  Replies (2) Good night (816) Bad night (360)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.

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  (440): The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch. http://tfl.nu/uy0f
  Replies (2) Good night (778) Bad night (211)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  He keeps bees of course he's weird

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  (248): He keeps bees of course he's weird http://tfl.nu/iaag
  Replies (6) Good night (439) Bad night (264)

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