I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.