Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone

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  (631): So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone http://tfl.nu/mgb2
  Replies (40) Good night (1088) Bad night (6804)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.

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  (678): his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him. http://tfl.nu/quex
  Replies (24) Good night (6006) Bad night (1278)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.

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  (623): I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite. http://tfl.nu/mkl5
  Replies (30) Good night (1478) Bad night (6067)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.

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  (920): I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly. http://tfl.nu/qe62
  Replies (18) Good night (1330) Bad night (2731)
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  (607): View more from New York

  He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges

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  (607): He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges http://tfl.nu/3nw2
  Replies (24) Good night (1413) Bad night (6521)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.

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  (503): I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs. http://tfl.nu/iho1
  Replies (19) Good night (3499) Bad night (994)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.

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  (540): She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic. http://tfl.nu/cwdw
  Replies (10) Good night (3737) Bad night (1004)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.

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  (281): okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry. http://tfl.nu/ycuw
  Replies (26) Good night (1706) Bad night (4555)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.

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  (303): Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking. http://tfl.nu/0bij
  Replies (4) Good night (1759) Bad night (553)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.

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  (330): It started with jello shots. It ended with tears. http://tfl.nu/yarv
  Replies (3) Good night (1106) Bad night (942)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)

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  (973): St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition) http://tfl.nu/fbpq
  Replies (3) Good night (1654) Bad night (550)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.

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  (705): I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka. http://tfl.nu/tvfv
  Replies (10) Good night (1238) Bad night (600)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party

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  (250): your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party http://tfl.nu/pnv8
  Replies (2) Good night (970) Bad night (404)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.

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  (303): Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride. http://tfl.nu/ugny
  Replies (3) Good night (1085) Bad night (650)
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  (477): View more from

  He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER

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  (477): He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER http://tfl.nu/0g26
  Replies (8) Good night (393) Bad night (255)

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