went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.