Texts From Last Night

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  (240): View more from Maryland

  And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.

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  (240): And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender. http://tfl.nu/1lfm
  Replies (8) Good night (6408) Bad night (700)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night

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  (740): Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night http://tfl.nu/r09y
  Replies (9) Good night (5066) Bad night (1368)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.

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  (219): I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window. http://tfl.nu/kuhj
  Replies (6) Good night (1132) Bad night (2997)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate

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  (814): All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate http://tfl.nu/wczm
  Replies (1) Good night (1745) Bad night (947)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.

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  (972): Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit. http://tfl.nu/pnw4
  Replies (9) Good night (2165) Bad night (795)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry

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  (785): Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry http://tfl.nu/dsfb
  Replies (7) Good night (638) Bad night (1350)
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  (714): View more from California

  sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!

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  (714): sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER! http://tfl.nu/av7d
  Replies (9) Good night (1321) Bad night (945)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?

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  (702): Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid? http://tfl.nu/2txb
  Replies (4) Good night (455) Bad night (1193)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.

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  (704): Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water. http://tfl.nu/djc8
  Replies (2) Good night (988) Bad night (418)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.

  (512): View more from Texas

  I found Cheetos.

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  (512): Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life. (512): I found Cheetos. http://tfl.nu/4vfh
  Replies (6) Good night (749) Bad night (406)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I'm on the job.

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  (812): The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory. (503): I'm on the job. http://tfl.nu/qjws
  Replies (6) Good night (1172) Bad night (396)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that

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  (775): I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that http://tfl.nu/rttq
  Replies (1) Good night (433) Bad night (539)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer

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  (267): Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer http://tfl.nu/jmew
  Replies (1) Good night (800) Bad night (374)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month

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  (412): somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month http://tfl.nu/lqqv
  Replies (3) Good night (365) Bad night (439)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole

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  (615): I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole http://tfl.nu/7njw
  Replies (4) Good night (360) Bad night (612)

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