I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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