i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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