He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
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I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
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You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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