sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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