I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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