Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
