He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
