I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
