My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
