Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
