Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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