I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
