just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
