Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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