My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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