Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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