So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
