i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
you never un-have a 4some
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
