if only i could text you this smell
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
