Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You pole danced in your parka.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
