thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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