I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
