I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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