There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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