i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
