I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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