pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
