So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
