do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize