I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
