Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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