Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
