Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
