his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
